11 Days Till Departure

God is so good. Not only did I meet my support goal but He is just working so much in myself and my family. It is so strange to think I only have 3 days left of work at Mitchell Chiropractic. That place has been my second home, and I have developed such a friendship with Teri and Tifni; it will be hard to say goodbye. But I guess all good things come to an end. What a blessing it was to work for a wonderful Christian boss and to go into work knowing everyday we would be sharing and showing the Love of Christ. It was a blessing and a challenge many days, but I learned so much.


Also, while I was reading the Bible with my mom this morning, a passage really stuck out to me. In Philippians 4 Paul thanks the Philippians for their gifts. He says (v10-12) "I rejoice greatly in the Lord that at last you have renewed your concern for me. Indeed you have been concerned, but had no opportunity to show it. I am not saying this because I am in need, for I have learned to be content whatever the circumstances. I know what it is to be in need, and I know what it is to have plenty. I have learned the secret of being content in any and every situation, whether fed or hungry, whether living in plenty or in want." and then in verse 14, 17-19 Paul says "Yet it was good of you to share in my troubles...Not that I am looking for a gift, but I am looking for what may be credited to your account. I have received full payment and even more; I am amply supplied, now that I have received the gifts you sent me. They are fragrant offerings, an acceptable sacrifice, pleasing to God. And my God will meet all your needs according to his glorious riches in Christ Jesus".

I think this really hits home for me because of the past 3 months I have been trusting the Lord in his decision to send me to Australia. I have depended on him to take control of my future, do with me what He wants and ultimately raise the support to get there. Honestly, at first, I put God in a box and doubted that He could conquer such a big goal; but the Lord was quick to put that lie to rest, and He provided continuously. I had so much encouragement and reassurance from people. But ultimately I think God was trying to teach me the "secret of being content in any and every situation". I don't need miraculous signs for him to prove to me that He is the great provider and in control of all things, because He has done that my entire life. Truly, this experience has changed my perspective.


I too like Paul want to give thanks to all of you who gave. I absolutely am blessed, and humbled by people's altruistic character and obedience to the Lord. I had total confidence that God would meet my need and having you all be a part of that is a joy. I am so excited! I am overwhelmed with excitement because I can't wait to see how God will "credit you account" with blessings. Thank you for being a part of my life and for your blessings, love, kindness and grace shown to me daily. I will continue to pray that God would provide above and beyond for all your needs, and I have faith that He will.

Wretched, broken and weak and yet He still loves me.

This past week a uniform thought has stuck with me since a Bible Study I attended, and that is the reality that I am not a good person. I am wretched, sinful and I bring nothing to the table. Having faith in Jesus has taught me that I am a sinner, destined for hell and beyond repair; however, Jesus died for me while I was his enemy so He could cure me of this disease, this irreversible flaw=sin. I know all of that, and yet I still find myself from time to time thinking "I'm a good person, or at least I'm better than some". I tell myself I don't feel that way, but truly my flesh is delusional to think I have a "one-up" on the rest of humanity. Until last night.

In a nutshell, last night I lived in the flesh. I turned into this ugly, selfish, self-righteous girl who was willing to say hurtful things and disrespect someone I love on the sole principle of being "right". In fact, I stuck to my guns so fervently that I dare say I didn't even recognize the girl I let myself become. There was no hint of Jesus, grace, humility or love...anywhere. What did I do? I went home, thinking I was the victim in this whole mess and went to bed.

Which lead to this morning. I woke up feeling terrible, physically, emotionally and just plain overwhelmingly sick. I thought "maybe I'll call in to work today" but figured I'd go, since it was payday. Getting ready for work and on my drive there I was in this fog of conviction...even my 30 minute shower couldn't cleanse me of the filth I felt clinging to my body. I tried to pray but felt like it wasn't genuine, I wasn't ready yet. I just wanted this feeling to go away, I wanted to go back and do things differently. I wanted to feel better about myself...cause I'm a good person, right?

Work was a good distraction, we were so busy. Between answering phones and talking to patients, I had little time to focus on my sin...until a older lady who has much less than I, pays for her and her husband's treatment and then opens her wallet and gives me the cash in her wallet. She leans in towards me and in a hushed voice says "I know it's not much, but I wanted to give you this for your mission trip to Australia". In that very moment the scales fell from my eyes as they welled up with tears and I saw Jesus, I saw the Gospel being lived out and I saw myself for who I am. A girl who is sick beyond a cure, terminally condemned by my sin and I felt so ashamed for the way I had acted and who I had been. All I could muster to say and think was "thank you but I don't deserve this". That's just it, I am so undeserving of all of this.

Jesus just used a woman to bless me with all she had, hours after I threw him under the bus and decided to live life my way. I am such a wretched soul and yet Jesus, who is infinitely more important, and who is unfathomably Holy, He not only gave his life for me, but He provided support for me to go serve him in Australia. And so I sit here realizing that I am completely undeserving of everything I've received...but He deserves it all, and I am a very grateful for his mercy.