After spending a week learning how to see God as not only GOD, but as my Father, God started to show me himself in a new way. Yes, another "new" way. :) He wanted me to see him as my love. I was well aware of the metaphor of a marriage that goes on in Christianity. The church (believers) are the Bride and Jesus is the Bridegroom, anxiously awaiting to be united with us. I know John the Baptist talks about himself being just the friend of the Bridegroom, helping prepare for that "special day". I have heard all of that, and I was satisfied with the idea of myself as the Bride, Jesus as the Groom...until I really thought about it and realized that wasn't enough. Let me explain.
I'm not sure how long ago it was, 6 months or even a year ago, I had a dream. Which is odd for me because I hardly ever remember my dreams, but I remembered this one in great detail. I dreamt that I woke up the morning of my wedding day. I was greeted by my mom and my friends with big smiles beaming as they exclaimed "It's your big day!". I got up, ate breakfast and tried to grasp what exactly was going on. It was the setting of my dream wedding (you know, the one you have had playing in your head since you first thought about getting married). It was on a beach, all of my family and best friends were there. The dress was perfect, the colors and the bridesmaid dresses were flawless and the flowers were gorgeous. It was designed to be the happiest day of my life but I was overwhelmed because I had no memory of being engaged, or planning the occasion.
Everyone just kept coming up to me and telling me how lucky I am. I heard over and over "What a perfect couple", "He is such a man of God", "You two are going to be so happy", "God really blessed you with such an awesome man", and "You guys will have such an amazing marriage, I'm so excited for you!". There was so much love, smiles, encouragement and just joy everywhere. I distinctly remember my mom, brother and best girlfriends emphasizing how much they loved my fiance and how they couldn't pick a better match for me. The only problem was, I had no idea who I was marrying. I remember walking down the aisle and seeing an average looking guy (whom I have never met) and having an anxiety attack because I was about to marry someone that not only I didn't love...but I didn't even know. Everyone said he was an amazing man, perfect for me in every way...but I didn't know him well enough to agree or disagree, and I wasn't in love with him. How could I have a relationship with someone I was not in love with?
So I posed the same question to myself: "How can I be Jesus' bride if I barely know him, and I am not head-over-heels in love with him?" I can't. And so, my great desire and focus has been viewing Jesus as my love, my first and greatest love. Slowly, He has been showing me how much He cares about me, and how unconditional his love for me truly is. I am only able to love Jesus in this way because He first loved me, but it is also two-fold. I have to be able to receive love in this way, in order receive it from others. Does that make sense? Me being able to love Jesus as the love of my life allows me the ability to love and fall in love with someone else. Without that, I will not be able to have a God-glorifying and lasting relationship with my future husband. I know God wants to awaken something in me so that I will search desperately and passionately the mysteries of Him who loves me and wants to romance me. I am so ready to skip Christianity and go straight to my relationship with Jesus.
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